The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
soo... how was my night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
