its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
