I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
