So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
