How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think a kid would responsible me up
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
