I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
