I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
COCAINE IS GR8
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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