last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
