Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
