Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
