the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
