Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
