Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
