I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
