Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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