I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
