Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
