i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
