Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
