he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
