i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
