If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
