I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
do herpes really smell.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
