Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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