Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
