you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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