I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
