On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
