I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
