What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
