Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
