my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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