We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
