I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
