im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
