she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
