with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
