5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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