he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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