So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
