your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
