People in love make me want to vomit
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
