i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
