8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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