She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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