I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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