She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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