Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
