help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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