Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
