Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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